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Stop arguing with food, stop looking for the answer elsewhere….question your thinking

Eating Peace Experience is coming January 27th-April 16, 2020. An immersion program to investigate key thoughts that produce off-balance eating. We do a deep dive.
EPE includes presentations and exercises to locate thinking and feeling, live zoom inquiry groups twice a week, a special private forum, facebook live Q&A. The delivery of this program is high touch with daily connection to support you in catching and questioning beliefs you’ve sometimes had since you were a child about food, eating, body image and belonging.
Speaking of childhood….I’m collaborating on an exciting project I’ll tell you more about later, but it’s about preventing eating-weirdness before it ever happens. I know some of us worry.
This would be moms and dads, teachers, friends, grandparents, aunts and uncles or anyone who desires clarity in looking at kids, our own history with eating, and becoming someone who feels confident (even if imperfect) about life with food and a body and caring for others who eat, feel, think and believe.
If you’re curious about this topic and have noticed worries or concerns about children you care about and the way they eat (the way they think) then I’d love to talk with you, interview style. I have questions to ask you and would love to hear your candid answers. Sign up for an interview here.
In today’s video, I share a story of a moment when I grabbed for an answer from outside, desperate for someone to tell me what to eat.
Sign me up for that diet! (I screamed)!
It didn’t go as I expected.
And that was for me, a really good thing.

The roller coaster ride of ON or OFF The Wagon….and the surrender and peace of quitting the hunt and inquiring.

Much love,
Grace
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Eating Peace Retreat, thoughts on fasting + a survey to learn more about eating

Announcement: Eating Peace Retreat in northeast Seattle at a private retreat house near me is coming January 15-20, 2020. Three more spots and you can stay close by in an airbnb (ask me about lodging). I made a quick video for you about it. You can also read more here.
Eating Peace Retreat with Grace Bell: Question Your Thinking, Change Your Eating
Eating Peace Retreat with Grace Bell: Question Your Thinking, Change Your Eating
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Recently an inquirer asked about fasting.
I know fasting is all the rage; intermittent fasting and all the various forms or programs.
There’s no denying that fasting can offer amazing health benefits. I even know someone who seems their life has been saved from critical diabetes through fasting.
Inquiry is where I always like to go to understand troubled thinking in any situation: fasting, not fasting, eating, not eating, moving, holding still.
For me, any time I ever want to get more involved in eating than feels like a lovely, normal, balanced way to walk through life with food….I question it. 
You can feel stressed about what you’re eating, feeling, thinking, not eating, or you can feel peace about all these conditions.
But one thing I know is, only you can sense the motives behind your fasting and if you’re doing it because you’re treating yourself with unconditional kindness and clarity, or if you’re using fasting to avoid the turmoil of eating–or for losing weight (without losing the thoughts that created weight in the first place).
I’ve learned a lot from fasting. And, it’s not something I do in my life regularly because I’m so happy to have this peace with eating and food as it is, and I like feeling daily balance.
It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try fasting if you’re drawn for good reasons.
I hope this video today helps, if you have some concerns or you notice yourself getting stressed about fasting:

Speaking of stress about eating, or fasting….I created a survey to learn more about your experience of eating, food and body image. People have reported it’s very helpful to fill out–you’ll learn more about what you’re thinking and believing that sparks off-balance eating.
I’m looking for at least 100 people to fill out this 10 question survey. The survey and your answers will be automatically private and anonymous unless you choose to share your name or email at the end–and only I will be reading any of the answers.
To fill out the survey, visit here. Thank you, thank you!
Much love,
Grace
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You HAVE to eat it (URGENT)–is that really true?

January 27: eating peace experience with Grace–please apply
Recently when at autumn retreat on the east coast to share The Work of Byron Katie, I said at the beginning of the program during an introduction that if anyone at all had any questions about food or eating, I’d be happy to talk at any time during our days together.
Several people came with questions, mostly in private.
One woman mentioned she was nauseated after eating, and often had too much.
We talked about that moment. The crazy trance-like zombie eating moment where you can’t stop (or you feel that way) and the sense is it’s like an emergency is happening.
Urgency is a great story to question.

If you’d love to question this belief system, and many that drive the over-eating or obsessing we do about food….
….come to retreat in January. Three spots left. It’s powerful, kind, compassionate and life-changing.
Eating Peace Retreat Jan 15-20, 2020. We’ll question the way we see reality, and the thinking that causes urgent eating and much more, and change the way we eat.
To learn more about the retreat, visit here.
Also…we’ll be starting Eating Peace Process Immersion, an online in-depth program to support change from the inside out with eating issues of any kind. It begins the end of January and runs through April.
For anyone interested who is new to the eating peace process, please apply and set up a one-on-one intro call with me (after November 15th) to learn more about the new upcoming immersion program. Read more here.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. In one week, come to First Friday Inquiry Jam. This is the free open inquiry we do most First Fridays of every single month from 7:45-9:15am PT. See the Work With Grace public calendar here and join me on zoom next week!
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When collapsing in despair offers wisdom we’re seeking: stopping it

Have you longed to understand the beliefs, perspective and ideas that lead to eating? Eating Peace Retreat allows the time to do just that. We meet January 15-20 in Seattle. Read about it here. I’d be honored to have you.
But here’s a hint: slowing everything down entirely can allow us to hear what we’re thinking, and relax instead of panic.
It’s not easy….but it may not be hard, either.
Some of us, when we’ve tried absolutely everything to solve a problem (like eating, but anything else as well) and we come to a point when there’s nothing left to do….
….it seems like we could collapse in despair.
Collapsing, stopping, slowing way down…..this may have its benefits far beyond anything you could discover outside yourself.

Much love,

Grace

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How do you react when you believe your thoughts and feelings? I ate. So let’s question our stories.

We have so many beliefs about food and eating and our bodies.

A few core beliefs are so extremely stressful and frightening, it’s hard to step into inquiry….but entirely possible.

One stressful belief that you may find deeply discouraging is: I have to figure myself out before I can stop eating. I have to sort through all my trauma before I quit eating. I have to inquire on every aspect of stress that’s appeared in my life, before I stop eating.

I am simply unable to stop–I can’t stand the discomfort of it all.

Is it true that you have to figure everything all out in your emotional life, in your mind, before you stop compulsively eating?

Who would I be without my story?

TA: I have to NOT get it all figured out before I stop eating. Interesting turnaround! Could this be just as true that I don’t have to figure my entire psyche out before I stop eating compulsively?

It’s a bumpy ride sometimes to navigate heavy emotions, or cravings…but we don’t absolutely have to eat to make the emotions or craving go away.

WHAT are you without your story?

Yes, when I was reacting to the world and feeling wounded, frightened, bored or angry….I ate.

So of course, as I did The Work on the things that produced these stressful feelings, the need to eat appeared to drop away.

If you have an interest in doing The Work on what appears in your life as stressful…check out Year of Inquiry. A wonderful small group that shares the journey of inquiry together for an entire year. www.workwithgrace.com/year-of-inquiry/

Much love,

Grace

 

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The moment to question in off-balance eating might not be the one you think

The other day I was working with an inquirer who wanted to do in-depth work on her eating issues.

She had her stressful situation already identified, and a judge-your-neighbor worksheet filled out.

The situation?

The morning when she woke up, and the night before she had binge-eaten entire packages and containers of “forbidden” foods.

Oh the horrible pain. Frustration. Self-criticism.

And the question; “why?!”

What is wrong with me?

Instead of moving into The Work of Byron Katie, and the inquiry on this situation of self-attack, I suggested we look instead at the moment of mid-way into binge-eating, or right before the off-balance eating began the night before.

What is going on when we begin to eat?

That’s the place to capture your thinking.

You don’t have to know the reasons why exactly you’re eating, either. If you hear the thoughts, they may be as simple as “I have to keep eating this food” or “it would be terrible to stop right now” or “I can’t stop” or “this is urgent” (to eat, because I might not get this food again for a year or something).

Much love,

Grace

 

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l with eating, moving my body in a balanced way….But. I want to be thinner.

The orientation to dieting and getting to the right weight is so stressful. More stressful than we sometimes ever realize.

For me, going on a diet and wishing I was thinner set me up for major and massive obsessing about food.

If we want the body to balance out in its own way, gently, we need to allow it to follow the peaceful thinking, peaceful behaviors….in its own time.

Like a little boat sailing across the ocean makes a small change in its navigation, shifting a tiny bit to the left or right can make a bigger change than we ever imagine in the future.

Meanwhile, the stressful belief: I know what weight I SHOULD be. This number I’m reading today is the wrong number.

Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true?

Hmmm. It seems like it would be really fantastic if I were that “ideal” number.

But who said so?

How do you react when you believe your weight is wrong today? When the number should be another number?

Wow, horrible. I put my life on hold waiting for the future when my body is “right” weighing. I go nuts on my strategies for eating and food.

I think about food all the time.

So who would you be without this story: “I know what my weight should be!”??

Wow.

So freeing.

You mean I don’t have to think endlessly about what weight I should be at, that’s never the weight I’m actually at? I can be myself today?

Yes. I’d be a person not thinking about how I have to endlessly tweak my food.

Let’s turn the thought around.

TurnAround: I do not know what my weight should be. It is the right number today.

Why is this the case? Why is it OK that my weight is this weight today? How does this number support me? What do I notice is OK within, no matter what weight I am?

TA: My thoughts are too weighty today (my thoughts are very heavy). My thoughts are at the “wrong” number.

So true. Except for my thinking, I’d be happily in the body I’m in, going about my life.

“When you believe without knowing you believe that you are damaged at your core, you also believe that you need to hide that damage for anyone to love you. You walk around ashamed of being yourself. You try hard to make up for the way you look, walk, feel. Decisions are agonizing because if you, the person who makes the decision, is damaged, then how can you trust what you decide? You doubt your own impulses so you become masterful at looking outside yourself for comfort. You become an expert at finding experts and programs, at striving and trying hard and then harder to change yourself, but this process only reaffirms what you already believe about yourself — that your needs and choices cannot be trusted, and left to your own devices you are out of control. ~ Geneen Roth, Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

Much love,

Grace

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Can you relax in non-diet mentality while still eliminating certain foods? How?!

Someone wrote me yet again (probably the 7th or 8th time) with the very same question: how do I stop my “diet thinking” but still notice I really can’t eat certain foods without getting sick? It appears I have to eliminate some things for balance to happen. 

Great question.

It’s entirely possible.

Peace is all in the mind.

Diet thinking looks like believing concepts like: I can’t (and it’s so sad), I’m not allowed (and it’s so sad), I don’t get to eat (and everyone else does), my food is so boring (and if I changed it the excitement would be totally worth it), I’m in prison with this diet (and I want to break free).

Basically diet thinking feels like you’re a victim.

It claims you can’t be trusted, you need to be thinner (always), you shouldn’t eat and be fully satisfied and nourished, you’re guilty just for thinking about food, and you have to watch yourself like a hawk.

It’s not fun.

But I notice, however, that without diet thinking, with absolutely freedom and joy around the energy of eating…I do NOT eat all day long, I do NOT overeat and stuff myself, and I find my own personal inner balance and great pleasure with food without making rules.

I stop when I’m satisfied, and I eat when I’m hungry, and things work out beautifully.

Many people feel the very same way without eating entire food groups, ever. They notice they don’t feel satisfied, joyful, truly free, or healthy, so they don’t eat those things.

If I’m not a victim, if I’m not missing out, if I feel my hunger and fullness….things are balanced.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you have become deeply interested in questioning your mind around eating issues, I’m starting a new eating peace program in a different way this fall/winter (not sure of start date yet). Everyone who is already a member of the Eating Peace Immersion will receive automatic invitation at no additional fee.

We’ll do more live inquiry, which is so meaningful for us all, and practice The Work.

 

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Eating Peace: Honor hunger, honor fullness. The way to end suffering.

Here at Family Camp where we eat dining room family style, with big servings of food on the tables…
…I heard a woman share about how upset she is with all the overeating she’s done during camp.
She said she kept telling herself she’d be OK later, once she returned home.
I remember feeling horrible that way….or even mildly uncomfortable.
We don’t have to experience this lack of peace. 
The mind just can’t have what it wants, if it wants to believe a bunch of opposing thoughts about meals, food, unusual types of food (“I’ll never get to eat this again”), or not listening to the body for the cue called “FULL”.
In the end, the peaceful way is listening to the body FIRST.
Full and hungry get immediate response. We take action gently responding to these two states of the body.
Eat with joy anything you want (and aren’t allergic to), go slow, relax, stop when full. The hunger scale can be useful, but you don’t need to think about numbers at all really.
Only stopping the minute you feel satisfied.

Then move on. No tug of war. No fighting. Just acceptance.

Move on.

You will get to eat again–in fact, in only a few hours most likely. Your body will be open to it. So can you wait?

If you are suffering around this, you’re telling yourself a lie.

Let’s get honest about how this all works: the body is the one that says eat, the body is the one that says stop. NOT THE MIND. (And even this may not be true).

The mind can’t have what it wants if it wants to go outside the parameters of responding to the sensation of naturally full and naturally hungry.
And here’s the thing: the mind will be relieved and happy if you let the body lead the way. It really wants something else to take charge.

Much love,

Grace

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Are you acting like you won’t survive?!

 

Many of us have been places where there are scheduled eating times and eating hours for large groups of people: conferences, cruises, workshops, courses, schools.

There are eating halls, cafeterias with limited hours, dining time and blocks where the kitchen is off limits.

Sometimes people notice when they participate in gatherings like this, or structured programs that include meals….

….they’ll say “I gain ten pounds every time I go on a cruise!” or “I eat too much when I’m at a workshop or on vacation!”

What are your thoughts?

  • this is soooo good, I might never get it again
  • I can’t stop eating this delicious meal
  • I have to eat more than enough, because it’s so rare that I have this available to me
  • I need to eat a lot because there’s a break until the next eating hour

Let’s look at one of these beliefs that sometimes permeates them all: I might not survive! I must take care of myself (like it’s an emergency)!

If you think you don’t have this kind of survival worry about eating and food….notice how you’re acting!

Who would you be without your story?Mu

Much love,

Grace