I remember when my thoughts always told me; “you are losing the ‘eating-right’ game”, “you don’t have what it takes to have the best body”, “resign yourself to a mediocre life and presentation”, “you are pure greed”(especially after a big binge-eating episode).
Wow.
Something so wrong with me.
I tried so hard to regroup, figure it out.
I went to Beyond Dieting group, 12 steps, est, Context Training, transactional analysis group therapy, A Course In Miracles for a year-long study group, People House 9 month emotional health training program, in-patient 6 weeks in Porter Memorial Hospital Denver, self-defense training, assertiveness training, freudian therapy 3 times a week (costing my parents thousands), joining the gym, tracking food, eliminating all “binge foods”.
Many of these have wonderful, supportive features.
I was trying something that could heal my compulsion, pain, suffering constantly.
Money, time, effort, research, energy spent to find the “right” answer. The thing that would work to eliminate this horrible problem called “binge eating”.
So much depression and angst.
The thing about researching and looking for answers is that it is seeking information outside oneself, hunting it down, high alert for something that might ticker-tape by without me knowing it.
You know the childhood game Hide-N-Seek, when you have the role of Seeker?
I have to grab, get, hunt, find. ASAP!!
What I did not know was how narrowly focused I was on eliminating “binge-eating”.
I missed anything except what might be occurring OUTSIDE of myself.
What I was, was the One who was missing something.
Obviously.
The Answer was Out There.
Obviously.
Find the missing answer, the gem, and solve this problem of binge-eating.
Right?
What if we inquired instead and sat with our answers, even if we’re not sure we actually have any viable answers?
“I am not getting it right”.
Is that true?
YES.
Can you absolutely know that this is true?
Hmmm. Seems like it.
But can I know that if I am not getting this eating thing right, it means peace is not possible here, with me?
Does it mean that left to my own devices, I’m doomed?
Who am I without this story?
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Who are you without your thoughts about getting this eating thing wrong?
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Two people have asked recently whether they could still join Eating Peace Experience that started last week and runs until March 18th. The answer is you could probably jump in and catch up with Module One until November 4th when we’ll really be rolling along into Module Two.
You are welcome to join HERE. Best. Group. Ever. I am loving the people participating. We are changing our minds through awareness, understanding the process of thinking and how it fuels stress, or peace.
Eating Peace is literally eating–taking in and becoming one with–peace. It is feeling peaceful about eating. To end the war is miraculous, and joyful. We are all connected.
Much love,
Grace