One of the most painful experiences I had in my early days of trying to find peace with eating (and with life) was my efforts to control the chaos.
I attempted to control my food, my exercise, my cravings, my thoughts, my emotions, and my experiences.
I had recognized the insanity of my thoughts and my eating, so one of my first solutions was to apply MORE force, control and rigidity to my behavior and plans with food. Food was frightening and should be kept at bay.
This is not uncommon. It’s the mindset where “dieting” comes from. Activate willpower, discipline and control, and you’ll find peace.
The problem was, I was so at war internally….I was full of anxiety, even when I no longer binge-ate for a couple of years.
One day, I cracked. I ate for hours, like a wild rebellion cut loose like a geyser. I felt so awful, I wanted to die.
This is when I decided there has to be another way besides dieting or controlling what I’m eating. Because even though I had been “abstinent” from binge-eating for a couple of years, I was miserable.