Two stories to question to solidly begin the healing journey to eating peace

Often when people come to do The Work on eating issues or weight troubles, they say they aren’t sure what they’re thinking or believing….so it’s too hard to do The Work.

The first step in doing The Work of Byron Katie, after all, is identifying what you’re thinking, so that you can question it.

They have some wisdom in this noticing.

It seems like all there is, is a swirl of emotion, agony, failure and guilt for having this weird off-balance wild eating thing that goes on.

There’s planning on how to control it (diets) and enduring self-hatred, anger, even rage, and despair.

The feelings are so big, even just in thinking or telling the story of eating, weight gain, weight loss, struggles with certain foods….it can feel like a nightmare.

What the heck is going on here?

Well…it seems complicated. 

So many experts have multitudes of philosophies about what’s necessary to heal this predicament of over-eating or under-eating or terrorizing ourselves with food or our belief that we have imperfect bodies.

I’ve noticed two stories, that really relate to this statement that people make over and over; “I don’t know what I’m thinking, I just feel terrible”. (I don’t know what I’m thinking, I just know I want to eat, eat, eat….and then I feel horrible about myself). 

Here’s what these stories are.

See if you ever think they’re true, or not:

The thing about these two stories is they have some truth in them…but the mind starts problem-solving and drawing conclusions on how to work with these stories in stressful ways, that require diets, control, willpower, and lots of planning and forecasting.

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I needed when it came to eating was more planning, controlling, dieting, manipulating and managing food and eating or my feelings or trying to make my feelings smaller.

What I desperately wanted and had a vision for, was to feel like I did when I was a little kid: carefree about eating.

I know, I know.

Some of you can’t remember ever feeling carefree about food and eating. But when you were born, I think you were born with all the raw material needed for balance with food.

But no wonder we feel so bad, and we’re not even sure what we’re thinking and believing!

It’s a tangle in there!

The first story, that this problem resides within the body and within eating behavior or food itself and not the mind….well, that’s maybe partially accurate.

But what happens with the awareness of this story?

The mind stamps the culprit as “guilty”!

The blame lies in the behavior, the food, the body.

So let’s punish, control, structure and give rules for what’s Allowed and Not Allowed to the human so they know how to behave. We’ll fix this problem!

That can work if the rules are followed. Sort of.

Except. The rules aren’t followed sometimes (or maybe a lot of the time).

Plus, what if you want to live freely without dictatorship?

What if want to learn how to naturally reside in peace and kindness with food, eating and the body?

What if you want the attitude you carry to be genuinely joyful and guilt-free when it comes to eating….and wake up to a new way of life in relation to having a body (one that needs to eat in order to live)?

What I learned about my own crazed eating was that it was in my mind that things went crazy first.

I began to think very stressful thoughts about acceptance, rejection, perfection, anger, right bodies, wrong bodies, weight, trauma, worry, control and fear.

I began to observe other peoples’ terror of fatness, and scare myself with the same belief.

I didn’t realize that if I questioned my entire paradigm around dangerous foods, “bad” eating behavior, urges and cravings, and the need for the best body ever….I might have settled down and stopped feeling so frantic about food.

If I had been able to know that my trouble was in my perspective about eating, my interpretation with what I saw, I would have focused much more on my mind than on the scale or the latest diet. Or the next binge.

The second story also has an element of truth, but is again a bit tricky.

Well, sure.

Big emotions of depression, fear, irritation, sadness or loneliness often feel like they need soothing.

If your mind and thoughts are like mine, then you’ll notice when big feelings come it seems dangerous.

We have to shut those things down, we think.

What better way to do this, than to eat or do some other kind of addictive or compulsive activity?

Eat. Big emergency feeling is over.

We’ve all heard of the term “emotional eating”. If you’ve done it before, you feel upset, and after a little while (or immediately), the idea of eating sweet, soothing, salty or tasty things sounds fantastic.

So the mind then concludes that if only we could get at what made you so emotional and understand it, or make it so these emotions don’t erupt in the first place….then you’ll stop eating because of emotions.

Again, the underlying premise of this story is emotions are the thing to blame, the guilty party.

So let’s shove them down, eliminate them.

We’re back to willpower, management, control, restricting feelings, holding back, forcing, following the rules.

Kinda like diets, only towards “feelings” instead.

Of course we don’t know what we’re really thinking, we just feel confused and terrible.

And keep on eating.

For me, this healing work when it comes to eating is about identifying beliefs that are the very foundations we stand on and believe about life…and questioning them.

Good news: It’s not as difficult to identify the thoughts and beliefs as you think.

The first step is to look at this war-torn land of destructive behavior about eating, food, body and weight and don’t try to DO something immediately, which is what we’ve always done.

Instead, let’s ask “I wonder what I must be thinking and believing that would be the trigger for this behavior?”

Even this answer may not be as complicated as you think.

Does this mean to never structure your food or plan on what you’ll be eating tomorrow?

No. Some people really need this as a deeply supportive way to help them stop freaking out about food right now.

In the upcoming Eating Peace Basics Live Zoom Course, we’ll be talking about thoughts, feelings and the food itself.

Each week, I will share one story (we’ll start with the first two I’ve shared here today) and work with the beliefs that support all these particular stories of agony with eating.

This work is about healing eating issues from the inside out.

There is no magic pill. But there may be far more magic than you realize…if magic is greater lightness, joy and peace when it comes to eating.

Some struggle for so long with eating, they think it’s impossible to end their battle.

I believe that for anyone willing to look at thought systems and to question them, it’s possible to change the way you live with food.

Eating Peace Basics 101 Online Live Course will run June 24th – August 12th with live Wednesday calls (all recorded) from 9am-10:30am Pacific Time (or start time of Noon ET or 6pm Europe).

In this course I’ll share 8 key foundational stories–one every week–that are key to investigating so we can dissolve the eating wars we’ve been fighting.

To identify our thinking inside these common stories, and then question the beliefs running for us, makes peace possible.

It has for me. I eat whatever and whenever I want without fear, and my weight seems to stay the same, for many years now.

I once ate like I was taken over by an evil force, or a zombie, with huge desperate binges, forced vomiting, torturous exercising by running for miles, and self-hatred.

This no longer occurs to me.

It’s my joy to facilitate freedom from that kind of inner pain with you or anyone suffering from eating wars.

Read more about the Eating Peace Basics course here.

To hear me share more about these first two stories that are helpful to question in the overall healing journey with eating, watch below.