Long ago, I heard Byron Katie say something that caused my ears to perk up: “Victims are vicious”.
I didn’t want to be a “victim”. They don’t have a good reputation.
And yet, what I had to admit was….I was very vicious. Mostly, to myself in my own thinking.
When I ate a lot, or binge-ate, or grazed from one end of town to the other, or looked in the mirror, or thought about what I should or shouldn’t be eating, I had a running voice that also said “you are lower than dirt.”
It was harsh, bitter, hopeless, and very mean.
So one of the very first things any of us must do, who experience an addictive behavioral process of any kind, is to relax and recognize the presence of something that is a lie.
Harshness doesn’t solve the problem. You can kill the thing you think you “hate” but it doesn’t end the war. It will rear its ugly head again if all you do is repress or condemn something or destroy it.
Kindness is what changes things at a permanent level. Love is what alters the experience of compulsion to one of understanding and awareness.
Let’s be kind to ourselves.
If you hear the voice that shouts and condemns you in your head, question it.
Remember to ask….is it true?
Do you really need to build this angry energy and use it to FIGHT food, cravings, people, relationships, reality? Are you sure you’re all alone, by yourself, against The World?
Let’s do The Work on this concept.
Is it true that you need to improve, change, or fix yourself….and that the way you are is wrong?
Yes. I’m too critical. My mind is full of harshness. I want to escape. I want to feel better, to get out of here. It’s me against the world (especially in this particular area).
Can you absolutely know that this is true that you need to change, snap out of it, get over it, stop being who you are?
Hmmm. Strange. But I can’t know it’s true.
How do you react when you believe you’ve got to change, especially when it comes to eating?
Ugh. I try everything and anything that addresses diet change. I feel very alone and discouraged. I hate my eating, my body, my attitude, my life.
Who would you be without this belief that you must change ASAP, especially with eating?
I’ve been trying to fix, adjust, improve or change myself when it comes to eating for “x” years (long time)! How could I NOT be wanting change?
Try it on for a moment here now. Just right now. Relax without having a single drop of a future, or need to change. Rest a moment. Notice how connected you are to everything in your environment, sharing the air, the furniture, the space, the people (if there are any). Sharing your environment with this thing called “food”.
What would it really be like if you did not ever go to war with yourself to improve?
It can be exciting. Peacefully thrilling. Restful. Simple. Open. Mysterious.
Turning this belief around: I do not have to change. My thinking has to change. Change has to come to “me”.
Could any of these turnarounds be just as true, or truer?
Yes. I can find how I am still alive, studying life and the world and myself in it and I’m not “done” even though some part of me believes I haven’t changed, or that I need to. I can notice life has it’s own timing. That even though I’ve eaten in crazy ways, I’ve also experienced joy, gratitude, peace and happiness here on earth.
Yes. I’m busy questioning my thinking. I’m learning by turning things around. I’m learning that what I’ve assumed to be true….often isn’t.
Yes. I can hold still and be open to transformation meeting me, not think of myself as needing to chase after it. I can make friends with life, my environment, my mind, my body.
Love is here in the present. Here I am with all my imperfection, a human being.
Who would you be without your story of yourself, especially when it comes to eating, food, your feelings, your body?
Can you feel it just for this moment, now?