The one question to ask if you’re freaking out in this moment.

For everyone on my eating peace mailing list, and you grace notes readers too: thank you for sticking out all the announcements about Eating Peace Process starting today. It closes tonight at 10:00 pm. We start our first live call tomorrow at 9:00 am.

Tomorrow, I’ll go back to the usual videos and weekly news for eating peace (and the free grace notes, too).

Eating Peace consists of a lot of content, exercises, videos, live calls and a secret private facebook group (optional) for those who want to connect with others inside the program.

But honestly, whether or not you ever join an online program in self-inquiry and doing The Work of Byron Katie or understanding the inner world around a specific problem or compulsion, like weight, body image, eating, food….

….there’s one thing you can do today to settle down and perhaps find more rest than you normally do.

This is true for any self-sabotaging behavior you’ve got going. Eating, drinking, smoking, working, cleaning, obsessing, relationship-fantasizing, worrying.

Surprise: it’s another question (don’t we love questions for the open-mindedness they support)?

The question is: Can I just be with what is happening right now, and let it be here?

Can I allow life to be as it is for me today?

I feel like eating, I feel worried about my boss, I feel anxious about my business, I wonder when I’ll die one day and from what cause, I stress about my kids, my spouse, the health of my friend, money, who’s winning the game.

And on, and on, and on.

The mind is genius at imagining and creating and wondering.

What happens when you do NOT think you can let life (or your body, your weight, your cravings) be here right now, the way they are, in all their glory??!

What I notice is I fight the thing, the energy, the issue. I find solutions. I’m on a rampage internally about fixing it.

I’m anxious and trying NOT to be. I’m compulsive and shouting at myself NOT to be.

There’s an argument, and I’m losing and winning and losing and winning and of course….losing.

“Argue with reality and you lose, but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

Who would you be without this story that you absolutely CAN’T LET THINGS BE AS THEY ARE in this moment?

Hmmm.

But.

Aren’t we supposed to be doing something about how bad things are? Like making more money? Losing weight? Quitting our disorders? Running our lives?

Are you saying I should just stay in bed all day?

LOL.

It never means this. The mind loves to jump to that conclusion. It wants to do something….Yesterday. 

The mind likes control and management and getting what it wants, when it wants it. Nothing more or less will do.

What if we could be with what’s happening, and trust the process of pausing? What if we could simply notice that awareness of sitting with All This is perfectly OK and we’ll probably want to get out of bed eventually.

My first husband used to talk about his mother giving a dire punishment to her kids when they acted out of line: Go Sit In A Chair. 

NOOOOOOO!!!!

They had to sit in a chair. It was like a time-out only before time-outs were a thing.

They’d sit, and sit. And then start to step down in front of the chair and see how far they could stretch into the room without leaving contact with the chair.

Can you picture a kid doing that?

It becomes a game. If you tell me to sit in the chair, I’m going to figure out how to wrestle around with it and get my way, or get away with something, or sneak.

Diets or Rules About Life can be like that inside our own hearts and minds.

The rule is pronounced and we feel anxious, or try to press the boundaries to see how far we can push without leaving the chair.

Sneak eating, isolating with food, sneaking out to smoke, dreaming about escaping or moving to another country without telling anyone, sneak drinking, buying stuff online, watching junk TV when we believe the rule is “accomplish something and use your time well every second of every minute of every hour” (and other perfectionistic thinking).

This thinking can get much more dire and dark than any of these, too.

It’s like in the fairy tales when they say “You can go anywhere in the entire castle, but NOT BEHIND THAT CURTAIN!!”

Of course, where do we want to go?

Behind the curtain.

Turning the belief around: I can handle being with this right now. I simply can be with it. I can let it be here. I am not in charge. Everything has led to this moment now, and I can sit here and cry, scream, yell, sigh, laugh, wait, be without doing anything about it.

I notice when I don’t do anything about my problems and I also LET them be there….they are not so daunting. My thinking becomes less dramatic.

I don’t have a heart attack sitting in my chair letting things be the way they are.

If you feel desperate TODAY….the one powerful question to sit with (the answer is YES).

Much love,

Grace

Sign up for Eating Peace Process here. We meet May 2-August 15. Everyone has access for lifetime, meaning you’ll always get the chance to join when I offer it again, without any extra fee.

 

Joy of Inquiry on Eating

“I feel like I could do the work on the exercises and images that came up for the rest of my life. I actually watched it in two sittings, stopping between writing the turn-arounds to the actions that undermine peaceful eating and investigating the worst things. Thank you, thank you.” 

 

A Combo of Gratitude and Fear

“In intending to watch the videos, even now I have the familiar feeling of being sooo scared. I feel tears coming to my eyes. I am so grateful for your work…which has put into words what I am, and what I have experienced. Tears of gratitude for your open and honest sharing.”

 

The Why Behind Eating

“I have read CBT books and worked with nutritionists but neither of these methods addressed in detail the intense emotions and intricate thought processes that your videos mention – and which resonate with my personal experience. Thank you for trying to help people like myself as we navigate the why behind what is happening.”

Mothers and our eating: is it their fault?

This is a little controversial.

Our mothers.

Don’t they have rather a lot of influence on our lives?

(Ahem).

When it comes to eating, food, and body image, mother soften have passed along a story that’s quite intense about food, cooking, serving others food, eating, body shapes and what they should be.

They learned, just like we did, what was acceptable, good, perfect, or successful.

And they showed us.

Sometimes, they showed us very well indeed. 

It’s quite profound, however, to be the one who questions any painful story you’ve heard, or learned, or thought….when it comes to mother.

Here’s a story that may surprise you about my mother, and what I felt when she said “I’m so proud of you”.
I wasn’t happy.

Eating Peace Free 70 minute Masterclass. Sign up to be notified and join the webinar here. You have a choice of three times:

  • October 24th 9 am PT
  • October 25th 2 pm PT
  • November 11th 10 am PT

Free 8 day Eating Peace Experience Course November 4-11, 2018 on facebook LIVE. Opt in HERE to join and receive all the daly lessons.

Eating Peace Process 5 month Immersion starts in November. Registration will open at the end of October. Read about it here.

Eating Peace Annual Retreat. Learn more here. Jan 9-14, 2019 in northeast Seattle, Washington.

Much love,

Grace

 

You should really be over this by now–is that actually true?

If you’ve had eating troubles of any kind, then your mind has likely said loudly to yourself:

“Really? You did this again? What’s WRONG with you? You should be OVER this by now!”

Let’s inquire into this thought today, with The Work of Byron Katie.

Is it true you should be over this “problem” by now?

Are you absolutely sure?

What I noticed over the many years I struggled with eating, food, weight….is that I wasn’t over it.

And to this day, there remain concepts to look at that have to do with food, eating, moving. I may not be binge-eating or purging or so extreme with food anymore, but there’s still noticing and awareness and change and interest in peace in every situation.

How do you react when you believe you should be over it, when you aren’t?

Very harsh. I become a Dictator about myself. Or I curl into a ball of sadness and despair.

Desperate, hopeless, angry.

So who would you be without the thought you should be over something that you aren’t over?

And we’re talking about food and eating and weight management and all of that here (although there are many other things people think they should be “over” that they are not actually over).

Without the belief I should be over something I’m not, I feel very curious about the behavior. I have questions. I feel a greater awareness, a willingness to support this person I apparently am.

I inquire. I want to look. I might even ask for help, join with others, find greater support.

I’d look and see what the eating was expressing. What was I afraid of? Worried about? What’s my relationship with reality in the minutes surrounding this eating behavior? What have I not looked at, or what am I missing here that I’ve been afraid to see, or concerned about?

What would make me think overeating, or starving, is the only solution or way to solve my discomfort in this moment?

Who would I be without this story?

Turning my thoughts around: I should NOT be over it, I should be over my thinking. 

What’s the message? “This” energy can’t stop until I face it, look at it, respond to it.

I might even notice that I can say “no” to eating, even if my mind offers this as an option, and cravings have begun. I can be over my “thoughts” in this situation. I don’t have to take action on everything my thoughts tell me.

Including eat.

Could the eating I’m doing and my relationship with food have something to do with my worries about life? They sure did for me. The eating helped me to identify what it was I was thinking and believing about people, what people thought of me, my condition, being small, the dangers of life, the unfairness, anything I might worry about.

I can look at what’s going on in any troubling situation, and inquire.

Thank you, disordered eating, for showing me where my perceptions have not been peaceful about reality.

Much love,

Grace

Start Here to End Emotional Eating From The Inside Out

I’ve been off traveling again, but while away I received lots of emails–a surprising number–about where to begin when it comes to ending this whole crazy eating-weight-food-craving concern?

Today, I’m sharing three things that you can do to start your journey to end this weird eating thing that I know is very frustrating and agonizing:

1) Questioning your thoughts is a relief, and can change your behaviors with food, entirely. If you want the simple, lazer-sharp, quickest version of self-inquiry I’ve ever encountered (and I’ve seen a lot of ways to inquire and dissolve your thoughts) then I highly, deeply, sincerely recommend The Work of Byron Katie.  Read “Loving What Is” to understand this method and get the full and complete instructions on how to do The Work.

2) Question these two thoughts:

a) I MUST stop this eating thing, I MUST lose weight, I MUST change NOW!! Immediately! This is WRONG! I must control myself! I must WIN this BATTLE!! (notice there are lots of exclamation points with this energy, and these thoughts).

Why should you question this thought?

Because when you do, you have the opportunity to open up to understanding what’s going on in the first place. You can quit pushing, or controlling this situation with such vengeance. Diets are not necessary any longer.

b) I must suffer in order to end this problem. I must not EVER accept myself and relax with what is or I will remain fat or addicted, and never change. 

Why should you question this thought?

Because when you do, you get to feel supported by the world, by life, by food, by eating….even when you are not perfectly “thin”. You have a body, but you are NOT your body. You don’t need to get somewhere else that is not here. What a relief. This never means you won’t lose weight, because as you shift your thoughts, you likely will (if you find you’re overweight). Many people balance to their natural normal weight.

How do you question your thinking?

As I mentioned…use the four questions and turnarounds and question just one thought at a time. The Work is the best and most simple way I’ve ever found to follow this process.

FINALLY, do this third exercise:

It will seem too easy, but you might be surprised: practice the 60 second wait-period. This means, instead of starting to eat when you want to eat, wait 60 seconds and take three very deep breaths, slowly.

As you wait sixty seconds, ask yourself “Do I really need food right now?” If you’re hungry, then be kind and give yourself some food.

If you notice you aren’t hungry, literally see if you can imagine eating peace instead of food. Like a pale pinkish purple cloud of lightly glowing peace that you fill up your body with through your mouth.

Let it go into your stomach, then spread it through your legs to your feet and all the way up your body, filling your arms, torso, neck, head. Relax your skin and let peace sink in–see what colors it changes to and see the peace filling your entire being.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. I’m creating an Eating Peace Experience 101 Introductory class. It begins July 26 and runs for 2 months, with 6 class sessions on Thursdays at 8 am pacific time. Stay tuned for more coming soon.

P.S. If you’d like to join Summer Camp for The Mind, a 7 week program of practicing The Work for anyone and everyone (not specifically for eating issues–although they can be brought to these sessions)– read more about it HERE.